Dinosaurs, Priests, and Ninjas – Oh My!
When it comes to movies that make you scratch your head while simultaneously clapping in surreal joy, 'The VelociPastor' certainly takes the cake. Directed by the visionary (or perhaps visionary-impaired) Brendan Steere, this 2019 genre-bending piece of cinematic anarchy is an unprecedented mash-up of Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Horror, Sci-Fi, and Thriller. If you came here looking for a typical movie review, hang onto your clerical collar as we dive into one of the truly unique spectacles of modern film.
From Men of Cloth to Men of Claw
As plots go, they don't get much more off-the-wall than that of 'The VelociPastor.' Picture this: after a series of unfortunate proceeds (namely, witnessing the grisly end of his parents), priest Doug Jones, played with whimsical sincerity by Gregory James Cohan, embarks on a soul-searching journey to China. Instead of finding peace, he stumbles upon a mystical artifact that empowers him with the ability to transform into a dinosaur. Who knew the answer to spiritual crisis was the Jurassic Era?
What ensues is a riotous rollercoaster as Doug comes to terms with his beastly powers. Initially horrified, Doug is coaxed into using his newfound gifts for justice by a prostitute with a heart of gold, played superbly by Janice Young. Suddenly, our gentle priest becomes a reptilian scourge against evil! Because what’s more fun than dinosaurs? A dinosaur beating up ninjas, of course!
The Unexpectedly Bold Spectrum of Comedy and Chaos
It's a rare feat for a film to walk the tightrope of absurdity so confidently, but Steere scores points for leaning into the madness rather than away from it. The film’s budgetary constraints are embraced with open arms, manifesting in DIY effects that scream 'more fun than polished.' Yes, the dinosaur costume looks like it might have stumbled off a low-budget Halloween set, but that’s precisely what makes it delightfully charming. The intentionally tacky effects bring back nostalgic feelings of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers or those delightful bad '80s movies you can't help but love.
Performance-wise, Gregory James Cohan embodies Doug with a perfect mix of naivety and heroism, his committed delivery giving credibility to the film’s ludicrous premise. George Schewnzer and Claire Hsu chip in with solid performances, their characters equally as colorful and comedic amidst the chaos. The synergy between the cast allows for laugh-out-loud moments that pepper the film generously.
A Cinematic Cocktail Unlike Any Other
Comparing 'The VelociPastor' to other traditional Action-Comedy collaborations would be a disservice to its outlandish creativity. This film carves its own niche, standing out decidedly from the solemn tone of Brendan Steere’s previous works. It’s like crossbreeding 'The Exorcist' with 'Jurassic Park,' served with a garnish of Tarantino-esque blood squibs and the comedic timing of a Zucker brother's film.
It’s in this chaotic mix that the movie finds its true strength. Steere has essentially brewed a cinematic cocktail that speaks to those who appreciate movies on two levels: those who see the art in every misguided frame, and those who just want to have a couple of beers and enjoy a good cinematic ride.
For Dinosaur Lovers and B-Movie Buffs Alike
While 'The VelociPastor' might not fit the mold of traditional movie reviews or the criteria for a must-watch film in a conventional sense, it represents a bold celebration of the B-movie genre. It’s wacky, over-the-top, and intentionally rough around the edges – qualities that ensure it will not lose its cult status anytime soon.
So, if you're a fan of genre-busting cinema that defies logic and embraces fun, roll up your sleeves and dive headfirst into this outrageous adventure. If you enjoy quirky, best horror-comedy movies, don’t skip this one!